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Monthly Archives: July 2008

A/B Marketing Test for the Armed Forces: Hunks Versus Hip Hop

Anyone who has watched a college or NFL football game has seen plenty of armed forces recruiting commercials. They usually show a burly young man doing something dangerous yet cool – like fighting a monster, flying a fighter jet, or driving a tank through the desert.

No doubt this has worked well at getting testosterone-full teenage boys to sign up for duty. But the services also need to find people who are willing to join for more than just the ‘adventure.’ They need a lot of people to do a lot of non-front line boring jobs. The action hero commercials don’t sell well to these recruits, I’m guessing.

This evening I was StumbleUpon(ing) when I came across a funny Navy video. At first, I thought it was just a few guys playing around, but after watching it all the way through, I’m convinced that this was a Navy-sanctioned, guerrilla-marketing style recruiting ploy. There’s just too many people and too much machinery involved in this video for it not to be an official production.

Yet the production style is very much in the area of DIY YouTube videos. So there was clearly an intent to make this seem like it wasn’t official at all. The fact that its showing up on StumbleUpon suggests to me that the video is having the intended viral impact. And I think you’ll agree after you watch it that you come away with a total different perspective on joining the Navy than you do from the traditional Navy promotional stuff.

Indeed, if you read some of the comments people made about the video, you can see the magic working. “well, i’ve never been in the navy, but i wanna enlist now” and “I LOVE it! I was cracking up watching, but at the same time, thankful to see those of you, sacrificing your time and lives for us, in this light, as one of all of us! It was so nice seeing you have a “break”, and enjoying yourselves! Thanks for the smile!”

Kudos to the Navy for coming up with this campaign!

 

Spam Poetry: What are You Trying to Sell Me?

Spam rule #1: Make sure the recipient understands what the heck you are trying to sell them. Bunga Papan for utterance at entreprises ceremony? Huh?

Hello,
We are small-medium enterprise provide service
for creating and delivering of Stick Werk (Bunga Papan)
that usually is for giving utterance to families, colleagues, friends, etc.
Service and delivery for Jakarta city – INDONESIA.
WE ACCEPT ORDER FROM OUTSIDE JAKARTA.
Here Events that’re usually using our service:
o weddings
o condolences
o enterprises ceremony
o birthday parties, etc
Thank you
 
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Posted by on July 22, 2008 in spam poetry

 

As the Economy Goes, So Goes Quality Score?

Back in 2006, when Google announced the “Quality Score” initiative, Google’s advertising revenue growth seemed unstoppable. Penalizing a few rogue advertisers (’rogue’ being mainly defined as affiliates, made for AdSense sites, or incentivized marketers) might lose Google a few dollars in the short term, but those dollars would quickly be replaced by the hordes of new advertisers rushing to give their marketing budgets to the Google juggernaut.

Since the initial Quality Score launch, Google has expanded the program further, adding comparison shopping engines and travel aggregators to the “most wanted” list in 2007 and factoring in page load time earlier this year (which some have suggested creates an incentive for publishers to run text-based AdSense ads at the expense of non-Google display advertising). Along the way, Google’s revenues have continued to explode. Now that even the most traditional mainstream marketers understand that Internet marketing is no longer just ‘experimental’ budget, advertising competition and CPCs have continued to increase on Google.

But unless you’ve been hiding under a rock for the last few months (or work in the Bush Administration), its clear that the Internet advertising boom is going to see some slowness in the near future. The implosion of the mortgage industry, skyrocketing gas prices, job losses and consumer uneasiness all point to a coming recession. Though I believe that Internet companies will be largely immune from a national economic downturn, Google’s recessionary fate – and the fate of Quality Score – may take a slightly different course.

You see, Google is now one of the world’s biggest corporations. As a result, macroeconomic forces have a much greater impact on them than they would on a smaller company. I remember when I worked at Thomson-West and I sat in on a meeting with the CEO. All I wanted to discuss was the Company’s SEM efforts, my boss wanted to talked about overall marketing efforts, and our division president wanted to talk about the Company’s strategies over the next few years. But the CEO was on a different plane all together. He was asking us how the war in Iraq would impact business, and whether globalization was a trend we should capitalize on. Basically, his world view was not unlike that of the leader of small country – my small world of SEM was the equivalent of some obscure farm subsidy bill – he understood that the overall health of the Company was decided by much broader factors.

Google is in a similar situation. There’s no doubt that they will feel the brunt of recessionary pressure much more acutely than smaller Silicon Valley companies, simply because their size by definition connects their health to the health of the nation. When you combine severe reductions in mortgage advertising, bank advertising, car advertising, airline advertising, consumer spending, and employment, you can see how Google might experience some slowness. Case in point: Google’s latest (and disappointing) earnings, which shows that – to some degree – as the overall economy goes, so goes Google (for the record, the majority of this article was written prior to the earnings report!).

So how does this relate to Quality Score, you ask? The revenue rationale behind Quality Score is that users will click on fewer ads over time if the ads that are being served are not relevant. This theory, however, is based on the assumption that ‘low quality’ ads can be replaced with ‘high quality’ ads without impacting Google’s monetization per click. That’s been a correct assumption over the last three years, with the economy strong and the heavy flow of new advertisers.

But what happens when you kick out the ‘bad’ advertisers and the ‘good’ advertisers suddenly curtail their advertising budgets? Suddenly the ‘out with the old, in with the new’ approach results in a lot fewer advertisers, resulting in diminishing CPCs (and potentially, diminishing ad relevancy). Google has been the darling of Wall Street for a few years now, but it will only take one or two quarters of disappointing results to dampen investor euphora, potentially forever.

Faced with an advertising slowdown and investor pressure, a loosening of Quality Score restrictions might be just the revenue boost Google needs to make it through tough times. At the end of the day, Google’s master is revenue, not relevancy. All the ‘holier than thou’ folks in Mountain View who have spent the last three years weeding out evil marketers from the Google results may suddenly be faced with a new directive – drive up our revenue, or think about applying for a job at Yahoo (the ultimate demotion!).

Think this sounds like a big conspiracy theory? Consider Sergey Brin’s comments last week during Google’s earnings conference call. “There is some evidence we have been a little more aggressive in decreasing coverage than we should have been . . .Clearly that is not the ideal strategy, because we don’t want to end up with no ads.” Funny how a recession can make Quality Score a little less popular around the Googleplex.

In a perfect world, it would be great to see Google get a little come-uppance here. All of those jilted advertisers who helped Google grow their revenue when Madison Avenue wasn’t interested, and then got pushed aside once Google didn’t need them anymore, would join together and collectively decide not to renew their advertising on Google. The adage ‘don’t forget the ones that helped you get to the top’ would be proven valid and Google would learn a valuable lesson about playing God when it comes to determining who shall and shall not be considered a legitimate advertiser.

Alas, knowing direct marketers as I do, you can be sure that any reductions in Quality Score rigor will be met with a renewed flood of ad dollars from advertisers given a second chance on Google. Google will gladly take their business (and the marketers will glad take the boost in revenue from being allowed to run on Google again), until such time that the national economy improves and the ‘good’ advertisers come back to the fold. Once Google no longer needs the vermants of the advertising world, you can be sure that the Quality Score fumigation service will be back in business.

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2008 in quality score

 

FaceBook Ad Copy for the Math Challenged

Saw this ad today on FaceBook. When you do the math it doesn’t quite add up, unless there is a new time-keeping system that I haven’t heard of yet.

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2008 in facebook

 

Online Marketing Analyst Job Posting from Trouve Media

Trouvé Media is looking for a search engine (PPC) analyst/online marketing analyst to help manage over $2 million in advertising spend. You will be working with various clients and internal development teams to increase web traffic and revenue in our online campaigns.

Responsibilities include:
- Working with large data sets in Excel and Access
- Analyzing search marketing performance data
- In-depth industry research
- Writing targeted ads
- Collaborating with the website design team
- Working closely with Google, Yahoo, and MSN on media buys.

Prior search engine marketing experience is not required, but you must be self-motivated, a quick learner, and someone who is able to work independently in a fast-paced environment.

You should also possess:
- 2+ years of professional job experience
- Bachelor’s degree
- Analytical and problem solving skills
- Written, communication, and research skills
- Leadership skills.

Compensation includes:
- Very competitive salary by industry standards
- Full health, dental, and vision insurance, plus chiropractic and acupuncture services
- 401k
- Free food and drinks
- Foosball, ping pong, and Rock Band
- Modern office with a complete view of the San Francisco Bay.

Trouvé Media is an online marketing, publishing and lead generation firm that owns dozens of small, niche websites in specifically targeted areas. By creating and acquiring original, authoritative web properties, we link consumers with useful information and connect advertisers to qualified leads. The company is self-funded, profitable, has approximately 20 employees, and is growing quickly. We’re in full Internet start-up mode (free food/drinks, ping pong, foosball, offsite retreats, year-end trips, and all). Trouvé is located just 20 miles South of San Francisco in Burlingame, CA, and easily accessible from BART.

To apply: job-758647657@craigslist.org

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2008 in job posting, trouve

 

Yahoo – With Apparently No Other Pressing Issues to Think About – Launches Online Advertising Campaign to Advertise Its Own Board

There are just too many funny ways to end this paragraph from today’s MarketWatch story about Yahoo’s latest hair-brain scheme:

In a sign of Yahoo’s growing confidence in the ongoing proxy war, CEO Jerry Yang told his employees that the company was launching an online advertising campaign in a bid to win over shareholders, as he noted more media stories “that reflect an understanding of our position.”

Here are a few endings that immediately come to mind (and I promise you, I spent no more than five minutes brainstorming on this one):

  • Due to the complexity of the Yahoo Search Marketing interface, the company will focus their campaign on Google AdWords. “That’s where everyone searches now anyways,” said Yang.
  • “Some might say that we should we spending our time and money on more important issues than saving our own jobs, such as our plummeting stock price, employee exodus, loss of marketshare, and lack of strategic direction, but creating banners ads with salsa dancers and the tagline ‘Yahoo stock price at historic lows!’ is just too much fun,” noted Yang gleefully.
  • The online campaign promises Yahoo stockholders a “free iPod, just for identifying a picture that is clearly Hillary Clinton as a teenager”, but eventually requires the stockholder to vote for the Yahoo board to claim their free gift.
  • The ads will feature CEO Yang with arms spread at the helm of a large ocean liner exclaiming “I’m King of the world!” The company refused to acknowledge any similarities between Yahoo and the Titanic.
  • Some industry insiders who have seen the ads have complained of subliminal messages buried in the graphics. In particular, the message “Please Microsoft, buy us for $33 a share. OK, how about $27 a share?”
 
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Posted by on July 18, 2008 in yahoo board of directors

 

Where the Internet Jobs Are, 2008

I get a lot of recruiters contacting me these days asking if I know of any good online marketing candidates. Of course I know a lot of awesome online marketers – the problem is, none of them are on the market. Such is the dilemma of SF-based companies – too many jobs to fill, not enough quality applicants.

This conundrum got me to thinking about Internet job opportunities. If I was giving a speech at a college graduation (not likely!), and I had to tell aspiring Internet workers what city to move to after graduation, where would I recommend?

Well, without further ado, here’s my list of the top ten places to get a job at an Internet company. Note that this is a list of jobs for English speakers – I specifically am not listing places like Bangalore, Shanghai, or Russia – that’s an entirely different list for another time.

10. London. Any Internet company that has been around for more than a few years quickly runs out of growth opportunities in the US. The next logical step is to open an office in Europe. London is a popular choice and you’ll find plenty of US Internet companies with satellite offices over there.

9. Tel Aviv. I know, I know, I said this was a list of English-speaking locations. Truth is, almost everyone in Israel speaks English, and there are plenty of Israeli companies that basically focus on English-speaking markets like the US.

8. Dublin. Because of aggressive tax breaks the Irish government gave to tech companies at the start of the millennium, Dublin has offices for the likes of Google and Yahoo and other big Internet juggernauts. I hear that real estate prices have gone through the roof as a result.

7. Utah. I’m not sure what they put in the water in Utah, but there seems to be a never-ending parade of great Internet companies coming out of Utah (Omniture, BackCountry.com, Enhance Interactive, etc).

6. Boston. FaceBook aside, the bright minds at Harvard and MIT seem to create a continual flow of Internet start-ups that operate in the Boston area. It also helps that Boston has a very strong venture capital community.

5. Los Angeles. LA has been the birthplace of companies like MySpace and Overture, but also has a lot of Internet jobs in the entertainment space (i.e., Disney Online and the like).

4. Austin. Austin has emerged as the Internet city of the south, and like Boston, has a ready supply of smart kids and local venture capitalists.

3. New York. “Silicon Alley” as they call it has a lot of Internet companies mainly because there’s just a lot of everything in NYC. I think if I was rating cities on the number of Internet jobs per capita, NYC would not make the top ten, but I’m not so what are you going to do?

2. Seattle. Amazon and Microsoft have spun out hundreds of interesting companies and cities like Bellevue and Kirkland are now overrun with aspiring dot commers (or as my Mom says, “dot commies”).

1. San Francisco/Silicon Valley. Though there aren’t rampant launch parties every hour of the day anymore (we call them “open houses” now), you can still throw a rock and manage to hit someone looking to hire for their Internet start-up (heck, I may be hiring soon myself). And now that Google has hired every Stanford graduate with a pulse, that leaves a lot of opportunity for those non-Cardinal out there looking for a break.

And just for fun – here’s a couple of cities that are noticeably absent from the list – attention city leaders – you should be ashamed of yourself!

  • Chicago – Beyond 37Signals and FeedBurner, what have you done for me lately?
  • Sydney – I know I am going to make my Aussie friends mad by saying this, but I’m surprised at the lack of Internet giants that have come from down under.
  • Washington DC – AOL started near here and since then not much else happened.
  • Miami – The leader when it comes to email spammers, but little else.
 
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Posted by on July 17, 2008 in internet jobs

 

Best Practices in Ad Text Creation (Part III of the Epic Eight Part Series!)

I often tell prospective search engine marketers that to be good at SEM you need to be good at three college courses: statistics, psychology, and creative writing. Creating good ad text is probably the one SEM skill that combines all three of these skill sets.

Here are my top tips for creating and optimizing effective ad text.

1. Test, Test, Test . . . Wisely. As with any aspect of SEM, testing is fundamental to ad text success. The key to ad text optimization is to test efficiently – it’s difficult or impossible to successfully test ads across hundreds or thousands of ad groups. I recommend a two-pronged approach. First, find a “global” winner – i.e., an ad text that can work well across multiple ad groups. This should be an ad with a slightly more generic message than one that you would create for a targeted ad group, but one that you feel pretty confident will work well in many situations. Create two or three of these global ads and test them in multiple and diverse ad groups over a period of a couple of weeks. Once you’ve found the winner, delete your two losers and add two new challengers (I call this an “ad text war”). Wash and repeat until the increase in performance becomes minimal or your ad text winner holds the top position through many ad text wars.

Next, perform the same ad text war for your top five to 10 ad groups. This time, of course, your text should be targeted to each specific ad group. Continue to test until you’re confident you’ve found your winner. In many cases, you may find that you find a few winners – two or three ad text that all perform at high levels. You may wish to keep two to three ad text in each ad group as the rotation of the ads can help your ad look fresh to repeat visitors.

Combine these two techniques and you can continually improve the performance of your entire account and your best ad groups without spending your whole life testing ad text.

2. CTR is Just a Part of the Equation. Absent in my discussion of ad text testing was the definition of what qualifies as a “high performing ad text”. Many people have been duped into thinking that the sole determinant of ad text success is click through rate (CTR). If you are optimizing for Google’s stock price, then this theory is correct; if, however, you are trying to run a business, you should be optimizing for a combination of CTR and conversion rate. While it is true that your CTR will reduce your CPC on the search engines, sending thousands of unqualified visitors to your site will quickly deplete your budget and ruin your ROI.

My recommendation is to set up a simple two factor equation to determine effective ad text: CTR multiplied by conversion rate. For example, let’s say that Ad Text A has a 10% CTR and a 5% conversion rate, and Ad Text B has a 5% CTR and 20% conversion rate. Ad Text A gets a score of .005 (.1 X .05) and Ad Text B gets a score of .01 (.5 X .2), thus Ad Text B wins over Ad Text A, even though Ad Text A has a higher CTR.

To put this same example into more concrete terms, if both ads got 1000 impressions, Ad Text A would get five conversions and Ad Text B would get 10 conversions. Optimizing just for CTR would be a win-lose situation – a win for Google and a lose for you!

3. Research Competitive Ads – Copy . . . But Not Exactly. When first developing your ad text copy, you can save yourself a lot of time by first looking at what your competitors are doing. More specifically, look at what the advertisers in the top positions are using for their ad text. Most likely, these folks have refined their ad text over time and have found a winning combination.

This does not, mean, however, that you should just outright copy these ads and run them. There are two very good reasons not to do this. First, your company’s value proposition might be different than your competitors. For example, if you are a budget hotel chain buying the keyword “hotel” and the Ritz Carleton is in top position, you don’t want to copy an ad that says “Luxury Hotels Redefined.” Second, and more importantly, you want to create an ad text that stands out from the crowd. If the top advertisers are all basically saying the same thing, the odds that your ad (which will, at least initially, show up lower down in the rankings) will attract a user’s attention is slim.

What you want to do is to understand the gist of the top ads, but then create an ad with a ’similar but different’ message. In this way, you can use your competitors’ research to quickly understand what ad text is effective, but also come up with positioning that helps you stand out and hopefully get a lot of qualified clicks.

4. Always Use a Call to Action – Start Now! Humans are herd animals – they like to be told what to do. This rule definitely applies to search engine advertising. If you don’t end your ad with a call to action like “Learn more now!” or “Download your free white paper today” or whatever you want someone to do, many users will likely not click on the ad, simply because you didn’t tell them to.

I know there may be some of you out there that are opposed to such call to actions, on the grounds that you don’t want to be “too market-y” or “offend potential customers.” While I think that there is some merit to this argument (see my last point on marketing too much), I still think a call to action is essential. The difference – for those of you who want to do a softer sell – is that you just need a more subdued call to action. Rather than ending with “Hurry and get your 4 absolutely free quotes this instant!”, you should try something like “Schedule a free consultation” or “Research available options.” In other words, you can still create a great call to action without feeling like you are yelling at your potential customers.

5. Use DKI . . . in Moderation. Whenever I train young search engine marketers, they always get particularly excited when I teach them about Dynamic Keyword Insertion (DKI) – the ability to automatically add the user’s query into the ad text. DKI is a very cool feature and I use it a lot, but it doesn’t always work and can sometimes backfire.

There are a few problems with DKI. First, it is often the case that everyone (and their mother) is using DKI. As a result, you end up with ten ads that all have the user query as the headline. This ‘tragedy of the commons’ scenario means that all advertisers nullify each others ads, and no one gets a particularly good CTR. For this reason, I always recommend that you create ad text variations in your ad groups with and without DKI. You may find that your non-DKI ad text will win.

Another problem with DKI is that it often makes for unintentionally funny ad texts. It’s always fun to type in random searches like “kidney” or “belly button lint” and see who has a created a generic ad using DKI that reads something like “Buy Belly Button Lint on eBay.” If you don’t think through how your keywords might look with a DKI ad text, you may end up running such ads. This is especially problematic when you use DKI within the text of your ad. For example, an ad that reads “We sell {KeyWord:widgets} online!” could end up reading “We sell Find Widgets online!” if you don’t think through all the possible DKI combinations in your ad group.

I’m all for DKI, but it can actually do more harm than good if you aren’t careful!

6. Get Bonus Bolding. As I’ve noted in a prior column, there are several ways to get extra bolding, extra lines of text, and extra relevancy in your ad text. Adding Google Checkout, for example, gets you a big Google Checkout logo under your ad, and geo-targeting gets you the name of the geographic region you are targeting. The more real estate your ad takes up, and the more bolding it receives, the more likely it is that users will click through.

7. Use the Four Human Emotions. Internet marketing is new, but direct marketing is not – we’re all accustomed to getting dozens of letters from credit card companies and circulars in our newspapers. All of those direct marketing messages you receive rely on four basic human emotions to get you to buy something: fear, greed, exclusivity, and vanity. While the medium has changed, humans have not – use these emotions in your ad text to drive CTR through the roof!

8. To Be Market-y . . . or Not To Be. My final point is to never assume that you ‘know’ what your users want to see in ad text. As part of your testing, you should always test different tones – some very direct response and aggressive, others soft and unobtrusive. A few years ago when I was marketing mortgage quotes, I tried an ad that said something like “Get four free mortgage quotes, serious inquiries only, please.” The conversion rate and CTR was incredibly high on this ad (and I subsequently saw my competitors start to use it as well). I think that the ad worked because it was very different from all the very agro ads out there, and it gave users a sense of credibility (we are a serious company, we only want to work with serious consumers). This doesn’t work all the time, but by putting down my marketing pen for a moment, I was able to surprise myself (and apparently consumers).

Stay tuned in a couple weeks for Part IV, choosing the right bid.

To see the other parts of this series, click these links for the overview article, Part I (choosing the right search engine), and Part II (keyword creation).

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2008 in awesome ad text

 

One Man’s Junk (Overture Search Suggestion Tool) is Another Man’s Treasure (Google Click Volume Reporting)

As first reported by Blogation’s #2 most loyal reader – Jeremy at PPCDiscussions – Google has finally added actual click volume data into their keyword suggestion tool. This data will be vastly more useful than the previous bar charts that showed click volume on a scale that could basically be described as “low, medium, and high” – perhaps a homage to the equally useless warnings from the Forest Service or Homeland Security.

No doubt, I am not yet ready to high five Google completely for this move – I do have some concerns. First, if the data accuracy is anything like the accuracy of Google’s CPC estimation tool, ‘real’ numbers is too strong a word for the information. And second, I’ll be curious to see whether Google allows API users to access these stats. My guess is that they either won’t at all, or put a strict limit on the number of keyword stat calls allowed per API account. So my current view is that this is better than what was there before, but the jury is still out as to how useful this really will be.

What I find most interesting, however, about the release of this data is that it comes less than a week after Yahoo finally discontinued their once awesome Overture Keyword Suggestion Tool. I’ve always thought that Yahoo was dumb not to maintain and even promote this tool – it was once a prime destination for any search engine marketer, and it gave Yahoo a lot of positive branding and traffic. So now the Yahoo tool is dead and the same data is now available instead AdWords. Translation – yet another victory for Google at Yahoo’s expense.

As an aside, I’m not entirely sure why I have been so anti-Yahoo lately. I’ll try to put on a happy face soon – after I’ve submitted my proxy recommending that the Yahoo board be replaced!

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2008 in overture suggestion tool

 

Yahoo’s Latest Brilliant Scheme to Make More Money: Arbitrarily Raise Minimum Bids

In the last 48 hours, I’ve gotten messages from two separate clients who have received the following ominous email from Yahoo Search Marketing:

Dear Advertiser

Minimum bid requirements have increased for ‘[Client Name]‘
[Account Number]. Some of your active Sponsored Search keywords will soon
become inactive. Review bids now.

For more information regarding this alert, please log into your account
at https://login.marketingsolutions.yahoo.com/en_US and click the “View
All” link in the Alerts panel. For additional help, please visit our
Help Center at http://help.yahoo.com/l/us/yahoo/ysm/sps.

Sincerely,

Your Partners at Yahoo! Search Marketing

Faced with a shareholder revolt, a mass employee exodus, and the continual decline in market share for paid search, it looks like Yahoo has decided that the only way to keep revenues up is to keep ratcheting up minimum bids. Short term, I suspect this will work – this is the kind of “laziness tax” that goes unnoticed by less sophisticated advertisers, who aren’t aware that they are being nickeled and dimed here and there.

Long term, however, this is yet another sign of desperation, one which will likely push more and more sophisticated advertisers away from YSM, as they are minimum-bidded out of an ROI-positive CPC range.

 
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Posted by on July 9, 2008 in minimum bids, ysm

 

4th of July Observations About Stars Wars Episode IV

Last night Universal TV (which I guess is a new station) played the original Star Wars movie. I’ve seen this movie around 50 times, so I was surprised when I seemed to ‘discover’ new things in the production this time around.

This is about as non-SEM as you can get, but here are a few of things I noticed:

1. If Luke is staying with his uncle . . . When we first meet Luke Skywalker, he’s living on a farm with his uncle. As we later find out, Luke’s father is Darth Vader, so doesn’t that mean that either a) Luke’s uncle is Darth Vader’s brother or b) Luke’s aunt is Darth Vader’s sister? Either way, I gotta believe that being a farmer (farming sand as far as I can tell) is sort of like being Roger Clinton compared to Bill Clinton when your sibling is Darth Vader.

2. Why does jumping in the garbage disposal work? Luke, Han, Chewie and Leia are seemingly trapped by stormtroopers on the Death Star when Leia blasts a hole in the wall and they all jump into a pile of garbage. As dumb as stormtroopers seem to be, one would think that they might be smart enough to notice the giant smoldering hole in the wall and deduce that our heroes are somewhere in the vicinity.

3. What’s up with Obi-Wan talking to Darth Vader on a first name basis? In the epic lightsaber fight between Darth Vader and Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan address Darth Vader as “Darth.” For example: “You can’t win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” You would think that Obi-Wan would use either “Anakin” – since this is how he grew up knowing Darth Vader, or the full name – Darth Vader. But to call him the colloquial “Darth” seems too friendly to me.

4. General Dodonna and Mick Fleetwood – separated at birth? Compare the General leading the war room during the final battle with Fleetwood Mac drummer Mick Fleetwood – you gotta admit that they look pretty familiar . . .

5. Nazi victory party? And finally, this is not a new observation, but it’s been pointed out to me that the final victory scene of Star Wars is a direct ripoff of Leni Refinstahl’s Nazi propaganda film, The Triumph of the Will. I don’t think there’s any hidden pro-Nazi subtext here (and indeed, the evil Empire soldiers are called Stormtroopers, no doubt a reference to Nazi soldiers), I think George Lucas was just impressed by the grandeur of the film.


Happy 4th of July to all, and to all a good night!

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2008 in star wars

 

You Want Targeting? I’ll Show You Targeting!

Yet another example of smart usage of FaceBook’s treasure trove of user-submitted information showed up today when I logged into FaceBook. Check out this incredible ad:

I happened to be 36 years old, a male, and I could spare a few pounds. So how did this ad target me so precisely? Well, in truth, I don’t think the advertiser knows anything about my weight, but they do know – and can target – my age and sex via FaceBook advertising.

So for advertisers who want to spend the time, you could basically create 100 separate ads – each one targeting a sex and age over a 50 year age range – and create ads that seem to “know” the user.

Now that’s what I call targeting. Get ready for a lot more ads on FaceBook like this really soon!

Postscript: Just a moment later I logged into FaceBook again and found this ad – not quite as good as the first one, but still not too shabby!

 
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Posted by on July 4, 2008 in facebook

 

Dumb & Dumber: Yahoo Search Marketing and IX Web Hosting

I’d like to give a shout-out to two of the dumbest customer service conversations I’ve had in quite a while.

Dumb: Yahoo Search Marketing

Dumb conversation #1 was with Yahoo Search Marketing (YSM). I have a new account on YSM that I run a few small personal campaigns through. I guess I’m accustomed to the full functionality of the “Diamond Ambassador” account which, while nowhere near as useful as a basic Google AdWords account, at least gives you some limited functionality through which you can make bulk changes to your keywords and ad text.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that my basic YSM account didn’t have any bulk functionality whatsoever. In other words, if I just wanted to update 100 tracking URLs (a task that takes about five seconds with the Google Desktop Editor), I would have to manually update each URL one-by-one. It would take me at least 45 minutes to complete this process.

This is silly, I thought. Why would YSM exclude good functionality from their users? Surely restricting users’ ability to make changes to their account would reduce ROI and thus reduce spend on YSM. So I wrote Yahoo customer service and asked for an upgrade. Here’s what I wrote:


I can’t find the section of the account where I can make mass uploads to the account via Excel. I know this exists but it is apparently not enabled in my account. Can you please upgrade my account beyond the “beginner” version.

I figured that once a customer service person saw that I had some experience with YSM and could ‘handle’ advanced features, they’d instantly upgrade my account. Instead, I got this response:

Hello David,

Thank you for contacting us regarding your import question. At this time, the import feature not available for your account. It is available for those advertisers who spend at least $200 a month for 3 consecutive months or over $6000.00 a year. This is something we monitor and will make available to you as your account grows.

In this case, we will be happy to import your campaign for you as a one time courtesy. We will need the spreadsheet in .csv or .tsv format. The .csv format stands for comma separated value and tsv stands for tab separated value. Please attach the file to an email and we will do the import for you. Please be aware the import may take 3-4 business days to complete.

Does this make any sense at all? They are going to give me “a one time courtesy” to perform a task that really they should be bending over backwards to help with, or even better, that I could perform myself? And worse still, “the import may take 3-4 business days to complete.” Folks, this is the Internet we are talking about here – 3-4 days is an eternity. Bottom line, this is just a bad business practice – not providing tools to all users, making extra work for Yahoo staff members, and taking way too long to do it. Is it any wonder that AdWords has such dominant marketshare?

Dumber: IX Web Hosting

Just when you thought that no company could possible out-dumb Yahoo, along comes IX Web hosting. There are millions of Web hosts out there, and I’m pretty sure that the ones that survive are the ones that sign up customers and keep them for many, many months. So I assumed that the customer service team would be more than willing to help me answer some basic questions about my hosting package. You see, I had a few days on one of my sites where it looked like the site was offline, or at the very least loading very slowly. And since I run ads on AdWords, and AdWords now penalizes sites with slow loadtime with bad Quality Scores, I can’t afford to run the risk that my AdWords account gets shut down thanks to hosting problems.

So I went on the IX live chat to try to get some info about load time. What follows is the complete and shocking transcript of my conversation. Note that to protect the innocent (or more specifically, to prevent the Russian mafia from coming after me), I’ve changed the name of the customer service rep in this chat.

Sergey Putin: Welcome, this is Sergey, how can I help you?

you: Hi, where can I get data on page load time and server uptime for my site?

Sergey Putin: You can’t have it

you: OK, then how do I know that my web host isn’t going offline frequently, as I suspect

Sergey Putin: There are no ways to do it

you: I am thinking of canceling my hosting account and asking for a refund because the page load time is sometimes very slow and sometimes non-existent. What do you advise I do to increase my confidence in IX, or should I just cancel?

Sergey Putin: Create the ticket for cancellation please

you: OK, will do. Thanks

While I admire Sergey’s blunt honesty, I can’t imagine this was what IX intended when they set up their live chat customer service. Maybe this is a good lesson about the dangers of outsourcing. Now if only I could combine YSM’s stupidity with IX’s rudeness . . . Oh wait, it’s already happened, it’s called the airline industry!

 
 

The Google Affiliate Network: Hypocrisy or Honeypot?

Yesterday Google announced that the DoubleClick’s Performics affiliate program will renamed the Google Affiliate Network. While I have no doubt that Google will a) come up with some innovative way to improve affiliate marketing and b) integrate the affiliate program with AdWords, AdSense, and Google Analytics, I imagine that there are many affiliates who shudder at the thought of having their affiliate revenue tracked and managed through a Google-owned affiliate network.

Why? Primarily because Google has made it very clear over the last few years that they don’t like affiliates. Indeed, Google has specifically called out affiliate sites as ‘meriting low quality score’ and there are countless stories of affiliates getting ‘blacklisted’ by Google without any recourse. So if you are a successful affiliate who has (thus far) avoided a Quality Score smackdown or outright ban by Google, you would probably be pretty wary about joining the Google Affiliate Network. Talk about a wolf in sheep’s clothing!

Indeed, if Google really wanted to thin the AdWords ranks of affiliates, they could use the Google Affiliate Network as a massive honeypot; attract affiliates with incredible commissions or tools, and then wipe them all off the map. Yes I know it sounds like a conspiracy theory, but if you are one of the many affiliates already banned, you are probably nodding your head vigorously at the moment.

Of course, the other scenario – the one that I would argue is more likely to occur – is that Google basically draws a line between ‘their affiliates’ and ‘other affiliates.’ Affiliates who participate in the Google Affiliate Network (and who, ostensibly, adhere to the network’s standards) are given de facto approval by Google, while other affiliates are de facto denied. This benefits Google in many ways – it gives them more control over affiliates and more revenue, and it forces affiliates using other networks to migrate to their network, driving even more control and revenue.

Is this hypocritical? Of course it is! But there’s already plenty of hypocrisy in the Google ecosystem (for example, the fact that Google makes millions of dollars a year off parked domain cybersquatters via AdSense but decries ad relevancy elsewhere). So I expect Google to make some light efforts to create a Chinese Wall between AdWords and the Affiliate Network – but only to appease critics, not to really separate the two entities.

We’ll have to wait and see how affiliates react to the Google Affiliate Network. For now, however, my advice is to wait on the sidelines and see how it all unfolds.

 
 
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